He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
