Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
