Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you will always have a special place in my vag
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
