And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
