we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I didn't notice because vodka
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Randomize
