I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
