party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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