i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
