i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
