So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
