her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
