Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
