Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
