I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
