You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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