pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
