Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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