I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You ruined the universe
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
