peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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