Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
