My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
