Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
