he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
