oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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