STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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