screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
