You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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