Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
