Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
This toilet bowl is my home.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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