Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
