life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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