we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
