Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
