went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
