no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
