i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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