There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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