why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
