Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
