Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
