the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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