Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
