I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Randomize
