I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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