Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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