I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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