dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
