I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
