I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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