census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
